DONTHIDE

“It starts with one simple question, Sean – what does mental health mean to you?”

“It’s tough, mental health is huge for everybody. I didn’t really appreciate it until I became a dad. I’ve dealt with it in my life, but not as much as I have done in the last 5 years (since becoming a parent).

It plays such a big role in people’s lives which they don’t realise and it can be really difficult for people to express how much it affects them.

People don’t understand, especially now in 2026.”

“How did you experience mental health before and after being a parent?”

“I’ve always dealt with anxiety, but I’ve never had it like I do now. I didn’t worry too much about things before being a parent. I didn’t have
any stress or worries going on in my life. Before Ivy, I was under 30 and we had our own home and did what we wanted with money and stuff, we went on loads of holidays and things like that – money really wasn’t an issue.

After having Ivy in lockdown, there was a fear of her becoming ill, it’s a huge stress. The way I deal with anxiety and stuff now is by sometimes bottling things up. I judge myself more now. A thing about Ivy, is she’s suffering with separation anxiety from her mum. There was one time where she (Ivy) wasn’t feeling very well and I played it off because I thought she was putting it on – she was doing this thing where she wanted to just stay awake and she does that sometimes. She was then sick and I felt instant guilt and remorse – during the next few days I felt like such a bad dad.”

“Do you think you felt like a bad parent?”

“Not because I couldn’t help her in the moment, but because I’ve played it off that she wasn’t going to be sick. I thought she was being a typical 5 year old, and because she felt like she was missing out on things at school, she’s going to be ill – she does that sometimes and exaggerates things. And so you play it off because that’s what she’s led you to believe is true. You just feel so bad about it and I did for a few days, it’s really tough.

“In reality, you’re a great parent because only great parents feel like they’re bad. It’s bad parents who will never think they’re a bad parent. Ever. Bad parents only think they’re good parents, whereas good parents only think they’re bad parents.”

“Oh, that’s good. Powerful.“

“Yeah, it’s incredibly powerful. I constantly judge myself about being a good or bad parent and whether Ivy loves me or not. There was a time for over three years when she wouldn’t leave Leonie’s side. She wouldn’t want to cuddle me. She just wanted her mum. That was really hard to deal with for three years, it was like she had a preference to her mum over me.”

“Let’s think about this right now Sean, I’ve known you for 12 (long!) years – the fact I asked you to have this chat about mental health, and then you immediately refer to talking about your daughter, automatically means you are a fantastic parent, you’re dedicated.“

“Yeah. I know that deep down. I know that I’m not a bad dad. But you still judge yourself all the time.”

“Tell me how you feel when you struggle. For example, have you ever felt suicidal?”

“I don’t get suicidal, and I never have been, which is good. I’ve never been that low but I do understand people can get like that. I have low periods especially with my job as a delivery driver, because I’m in the van and I can be on my own long periods of time, sometimes 2-3 hours driving somewhere. I have to take days where I don’t drive (where I’m based in the yard) especially if I’m feeling down.

I start to have thoughts and make up loads of different scenarios in my head, like fake scenarios.
I think “What happens if we lose the car? What happens if there’s an accident?
What happens if Leonie is in an accident? How do I deal with Ivy? How do tell a child that her mum’s gone?”

I think about that constantly. I still don’t know the answer to that. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer of how you would tell someone so young something so devastating.

I have to take time where I socialise with people because otherwise I start to think about these awful thoughts.”

If you have too much ‘social time’, you need to recharge your ‘social battery’.
I think in your case, you just need a battery to charge in the first place.

“Yeah, because I’ve drained mine from not dealing with anybody else. I need to socialise with people because humans are meant to socialise, we need to interact. I couldn’t be lonely and on my own all of the time. 
I do like it (my own company) I do enjoy. Lots of of parents will know this, sometimes you just need alone time.

I constantly worry about Ivy and wonder how’s she doing at school, is she making friends? Is she progressing well enough? Is she going to get ill? I think all parents think like this. But I don’t think people realise how much this plays on their mental health.

I think on a daily basis, about how she’s doing at school, how is she doing with her friends, is she being naughty or is she being good. In her 1st year reception at school, she was quite close with a couple of kids and now she’s been separated from them into a different class; now she doesn’t really play with these kids anymore, but they they’re really close.

She’s also going through being diagnosed with ADHD and/or autism. I mean, trying to get people to understand that Ivy is different from other children is difficult. As parents, we’ve known for a long time she was different, but other people don’t, and they brush it off as just another ‘naughty child’ – which is frustrating.

“Neurodiversity wasn’t around 50 years ago, when I talked to my parents about it, more so my dad, he said his dad told him something along the lines of ‘man up’, have a glass of whiskey and just get on with it.”

“I’m almost certain I have some sort of like autism, on the ‘spectrum’ sort of thing, but like you said, when we were kids, it wasn’t really a thing.

My younger brother has ADHD, and he has been diagnosed. This was well into his teenage years when they were first really ‘pumping it out’, but when he was a much younger, it was just another case of him being a ‘he was just classed as another ‘naughty kid’.

Years on from the diagnosis, he’s much better now because he knows how to deal with it, he takes medication, he’s got a good job, a girlfriend, a house, and he’s really settled down.”

“What impact do you think being given an ADHD label had on him?”

“A big impact. It’s being able to learn, recognise and get help at the same time to be able to help yourself. It’s the same when you are ill with something else, with any condition, for example if you are physically ill, you need to be able to do the right things to get better; if you have cancer, you have radiotherapy – you’re getting the help you need to deal with it – that’s exactly what people need for an ADHD diagnosis.

When you get that ‘recognition’ of what it is, that’s really important, then the questions start to flow:

How do I deal with it? How can I help myself? How can someone help me?
How can I get people to recognise this is what it is?

Within workplaces, everybody recognises it. Sadly, sometimes people use it as a ‘weapon’ for themselves, saying things like “I didn’t do that because I’ve got ADHD.”

“For those reading this, Sean – especially those who are genuinely struggling – how might this be explained from their perspective, as a genuine reason for not doing something?”

“I don’t know. Maybe something like “I’ve got ADHD. I’m really struggling with this. Can I have some help please?” – It’s the honesty which will probably bring the genuineness to the surface.