Hi Everyone, I’m Lou, I’m 39 and from Shrewsbury. I wanted to tell you a little bit about myself and my journey with anxiety over the years – how it started, what I did to help myself and how I currently manage.
Teenage Anxiety
I don’t really remember too much from when I was younger, but my anxiety, I would say, began during my teenage years. It had been a time of lots of changes and personal loss. When I lost my first family member, that was the moment I first became really aware of illness and death, and it really unsettled me – I became withdrawn as a person.
I was studying at Sixth Form College and I didn’t cope well with the amount of exams I was doing at the time and the pressure that came with them. I developed insomnia and general anxiety, and spent my sixth form years very isolated and alone, which worsened my feelings.
Whilst I was at university, things became better in some ways because I had lots of people around me, but I still felt very lonely in other ways, for example lost in my thoughts at times.
We had more hard times as a family during my last year at uni – this became very tough for me as I also had my dissertation to complete. During this year, I think I buried my head in the sand about stuff, and although I didn’t really suffer with anxiety, I still had to process difficult things.
Therapy Triggers & Patterns
Life passed by, and things seemed okay until my 30s – I then had two close family members suffer strokes and my closest friendship ended.
This was when things ramped up for me, because I started to have regular panic attacks. I did try talking therapies (CBT) twice, once after the attacks and the other at a later date when we lost a very close relative – I was in a very dark place and experienced dissociation.
I found the talking therapies useful for spotting triggers and patterns, but I felt it was too generic – it didn’t go deep enough into the specific issues I was facing.
When I look back, I was largely doing this alone, which made everything worse because it just highlighted my fears – this is when the avoidance then began, although I didn’t realise this at the time. I didn’t have anyone to spot my behaviours or patterns and nobody was there to direct me, the CBT wasn’t in-person, it was over the phone every 8 weeks.
Fast forward to 3 years ago, I became quite poorly at Christmas – this is when my anxiety was at its worst. As you will have noticed from what I’ve already mentioned, ever since I lost my first family member, I’ve had this real fear of death and illness. I became so paranoid that I was going to become seriously ill or even die, it made me afraid any time I was alone. This is when my monophobia and agoraphobia started – my panic attacks also became more frequent, I was crying all the time and I felt sick with worry.
Detrimental Social Media
I joined a few groups on Facebook to learn more about what I was going through – also to meet other people who were going through similar experiences. It was both amazing and detrimental at the same time.
The social media didn’t really help because a lot of the time it was others trying to normalise their situations, and very few people seemed to want to change their situation. They would become very defensive if I even suggested change. Luckily, I realised this and distanced myself from it.
Friends For Life
I did however, meet a wonderful person, who I am now dear friends with. We often support each other with our struggles. She too wants to get better, so she introduced me to something that would change my life – exposure therapy.
I read a book called ‘The Anxious Truth’, and also listened to the podcasts by Drew Linsalata – this made me realise what my issues are – the ones I’ve been struggling with since my teens.
My fear had led to avoidance. I thought if I avoided the scary things, then I wouldn’t be scared. I didn’t realise what damage I was doing, and now I have such a battle on my hands to undo this. At my worst, I couldn’t even cross the road alone, be home on my own, or even think about working.
I’m now working again full time. I’m mostly okay on my own, but still working on those longer periods and the overnights. The walking alone is still slow progress, but much better than it was.
Retraining & Progression
I’ve learned the science behind things, the parasympathetic system, the brain’s reactions and so forth – these have helped me find both acceptance and direction.
I am retraining my brain so I’m able to be anxious and still do normal things. The brain learns by doing things, so sitting down whilst having some anxious feelings and letting them pass by without judgment should help. I am learning to relax my muscles so the brain knows there is no danger – practising relaxation and breathing exercises also.
I have a lot of work to do to retrain my brain after all these negative things I’ve taught it over the years – but I’m progressing. I feel like I have the tools to do it this time. I even went on my first cruise recently, something I never imagined doing.
If there’s any bit of advice I could give, it would be that it’s okay to be uncomfortable and anxious and still get things done. We owe it to ourselves not to be a prisoner in our own minds, but it does take great bravery, commitment and consistency.
The best thing is, we already have everything we need inside us to do it; we just have to trust in ourselves. Of course, it’s also totally fine to get support. That is equally as brave and sensible.
Good luck in your journeys, you’ve got this!
Lou x
