“Now in my 30s, I still struggle most days, but I have an amazing wife and family by my side. Now I’m trying to change my mindset and with the help of my wife, get into a better head space.”
A Huge Task
It started when I was a teenager – I was always thinking I wasn’t good enough for anyone. I always felt like I was a burden on my family and friends. I would sometimes lie in bed and cry – wanting to change who I was completely.
I hated everything about myself from the way I looked to the way I acted – this was due to what people said.
I always remember being bullied a lot in school. I would be bullied about the way I look because it was ‘funny’ to them. I once had a school tie put round my neck and ripped off leaving a friction burn – all because it was ‘funny’.
“Earlier this year I lost my grandad, he was someone I always respected and looked up to growing up.”
When COVID hit and everyone was stuck inside for months, I got to a point where going out and seeing people felt like a huge task – I always felt like everyone was talking about or looking at me. I would get so anxious and fidget – I would try to think of a reason to leave or not even go out at all.
Back in 2023, when my wife was 24 weeks pregnant, we lost our daughter – this really hit me hard. I didn’t know how to deal with the it, I loved her with all my heart but I never got to meet her – this really messed with my head. I always wanted a little girl and I felt so angry that she had been taken from us.
Earlier this year I lost my grandad, he was someone I always respected and looked up to growing up. He was always so funny, always had a smile on his face and never took life too seriously – he was a family man through and through. When he passed, I felt so much pain and anger that he had been taken from me and my family.
Now in my 30s, I still struggle most days, but I have an amazing wife and family by my side. Now I’m trying to change my mindset and with the help of my wife, get into a better head space.
I’m so very sorry this happened to you, grief is so hard to navigate but the loss of a child is a tragedy no one should have to bear. There are no words that can truly make any impact or help you, but please know, all your beautiful daughter ever knew was pure love from you and your wife.
Sometimes it’s easier to talk to strangers, professionals who can try and help you make sense of your loss and feelings. It’s easier to express how you truly feel: your fears, your stress & anxiety- I personally feel that unburdening to a stranger is easier because you don’t need to hold back because you don’t want to worry your spouse or family… if that makes sense?
And as far as the school bullies are concerned, that’s on them- their poor character traits and choices and they don’t define you and who you are!
You are a husband, a father and very brave for sharing your story so be very proud of yourself x
These are really kind, comforting and reassuring words – My favourite bit is “I personally feel that unburdening to a stranger is easier because you don’t need to hold back because you don’t want to worry your spouse or family… if that makes sense?” – I personally feel exactly the same, this is from my own personal experience.
<3