“If you are considering counselling, whether for the first time or after a long gap, I hope this offers some reassurance. You do not need to have everything figured out before you begin.
You do not need to present a polished version of yourself. You simply need a willingness to turn toward your own experience with a measure of honesty and care. The rest can unfold from there.”
We are Human Beings
Every counsellor is still on their own journey. There can be a subtle, almost unspoken assumption that because we are trained, qualified, and spend our days sitting with people who are struggling, we must somehow have it all sorted. We don’t. We are human beings who continue to grow, stumble, and learn alongside the people we work with.
Retraining in my forties and changing career to become a counsellor has been one of the most profound and life-changing decisions I have ever made. It still feels like a genuine privilege to be invited into someone’s story, to listen deeply, and to walk alongside them as they navigate their own path in therapy. Yet in order to offer that presence with any real integrity, I first had to turn towards my own challenges, and I continue to do so.
“… uncover, make sense of, and gently process our lived experience.”
Most counselling training courses require students to complete a set number of hours of their own personal therapy (often between 10 and 20 hours). Like many people, I once held a fairly limited view of who and what counselling was for. I imagined it was for those facing severe mental health difficulties or crisis. I assumed my own required sessions would be relatively straightforward: a box to tick on the way to qualification. What actually unfolded was something far more unexpected and far more valuable.
Beginning therapy with the belief that I had ‘no real issues’ gradually opened a door I had not known was closed. Deeper emotions, long held reactions, and experiences from the past that I thought I had already ‘got over’ began to surface. Through that process I came to understand that the ways I respond to people and situations are rarely random. They are rooted in the belief systems I carry, in the emotional climate of my upbringing, and in the protective strategies I developed long before I had language for them.
Counselling has also taught me that this is lifelong work. Even now, I can still be touched or triggered by a client’s material that feels familiar, or by a story that resonates with something of my own. When that happens, I set it carefully aside during the session so that the space remains theirs. Afterwards, I take it to my own counsellor, where I can process it safely and without burdening the therapeutic relationship.
I have also learned to listen more carefully, not only to my thoughts, but to the quieter language of the body. The body holds memory, sometimes more faithfully than the conscious mind. A sudden wave of sadness, a tightening in the chest, unexpected tears while watching something seemingly ordinary, these are not ‘silly’ or ‘over-emotional’ reactions to nothing. They are communications. When we meet them with curiosity rather than dismissal, they often begin to reveal what they are truly connected to.
“You do not need to have everything figured out before you begin.”
Counselling offers a space in which we can uncover, make sense of, and gently process our lived experience. Choosing that path is rarely easy. There will be times when part of us rebels, when we do not want to attend, when the work feels inconvenient or uncomfortable. Paradoxically, those are often the moments when showing up for ourselves matters most.
There is no single ‘right’ way to do this work. Many different modalities exist, each with its own emphasis and way of understanding human experience. Finding the approach and the counsellor that feels like a good enough fit is important. It is completely normal to try more than one therapist before settling. I have worked with several over the years, for a variety of reasons, and each relationship taught me something different about what I needed at that stage of my life.
If you are considering counselling, whether for the first time or after a long gap, I hope this offers some reassurance. You do not need to have everything figured out before you begin. You do not need to present a polished version of yourself. You simply need a willingness to turn toward your own experience with a measure of honesty and care. The rest can unfold from there.
I hope this short article is helpful and if you are thinking of reaching out, I would say do it. You never know how much better your life might become.
Website: counselling-directory.org.uk
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hollyshawcounselling