Growing Up With Hydrocephalus
My story is a lifelong battle with not only mental health problems, but various struggles pertaining to my medical condition called Hydrocephalus.
Hydrocephalus is a neurological condition often referred to as water on the brain, which is related to the pressure of cerebrospinal fluid in the brain that causes the head to expand to potentially life-threatening extremities. Not only was I rushed into the emergency unit upon birth, but I also developed a hole in my heart and multiple seizures in the incubator.
This is one of my dogs Winston. Although we thought he was a Dachshund, he is actually a Pointer
Growing up, I was held back a year in Year R, and I found it difficult to make friends at school. I was bullied for the size of my head, but I kept my head down and worked hard. I always behaved in school too because I never liked being told off. In fact, I never received a detention, though I was in a hair-strand’s length of getting one.
“I was bullied for the size of my head…”
I was in middle set Year 10 English and we were tested on Macbeth and we had to get our tests peer marked. I received under half the marks, which would mean a lunchtime detention for me. However, there had been a miscount and it turned out that I actually did receive half marks- dodging detention and giving me a huge sigh of relief in the process.
More Than My Condition
In school and in college, there was a great emphasis from my support network on making things easier for me. Only my key worker Val Cacchi understood my ability in secondary school, so nobody else was privy to my writing skills, nor my academic performance.
Talks of me joining a specialised pathway in college undermined my potential, meaning that it was very difficult for me to be seen for my skills and interests over my medical condition.
“It’s like nobody understood that I had matured and developed strongly since I was an infant.”
I declined to proceed on that pathway, instead choosing subjects like Film Studies, English Language and History. I did study law in my AS year, yet it wasn’t for me so swapped it out for History the following year.
Proving People Wrong
As for University, it was an uphill struggle, though I had proven myself capable. For my first year at Southampton Solent University in 2012, I opted to study Magazine Journalism and Feature Writing because I loved collecting and reading games magazines, as well as sniffing that glorious fresh print.
It was a disaster because I wasn’t confident in finding my own stories and I found I just wasn’t cut out for it at the time. In November, two months after starting the course, I quit and took a year out.
At a recent wedding
When I came back in September 2013, I chose to take up Film and English. As it turned out, this was a fantastic decision. My lecturers were amazing, the books and films I studied and wrote academic essays about were fabulous, and I found myself in my ‘groove’.
However, my mental health and poor exam organisation threatened to derail me. My third year English exam was shambolic due to the time constraints and aforementioned lack of organisation. Then what really could’ve destroyed everything I had wrought, was indeed my mental health and the dire situation I found myself in at the time.
This is Florence, our latest addition. Although Florence is her name, I like to call her ‘Pufflin’ because of her adorable face
On the day before my dissertation was due, I almost packed it in completely because I felt like there was no way forward anymore. Yet after sitting down with my dissertation lecturer, he empowered me to complete my dissertation overnight with several thousand words still remaining.
Ultimately, I came away with a First-Class degree, and it was the best culmination to my educational journey I could’ve asked for. I was able to prove people wrong and rise above their expectations, managing to go from getting held back in Year R, to becoming a First-Class Degree graduate.
Living With The Past
Many of my mental health struggles as an adult relate to mistakes of the past and a personal feeling of blame related to how I treated my younger brother when we were both children. I lashed out at him unprovoked, and although we still got along really well, I believe he found it really hard to cope with because he would become angry and violent as a teenager.
“I do think my parents perhaps should’ve done more to address my behaviour, but I think I was treated royally because of my condition, and such treatment made me rather selfish.”
Finding Support
My adult life however, has shown me the other side of the coin as it were – meaning that when I was a child I felt like I could get away with a lot and felt plenty of support, but as an adult I am not able to and don’t feel like I am supported.
However, in spite of how I feel, I am always trying to do something new, such as performing stand-up comedy, attending a writer’s circle, writing for various websites and visiting museums.
I’ve attended Andy’s Man Club for three years, and that has been a tremendous source of mental health support for me, and I encourage any man who struggles with their mental health to find their local AMC and see if it can help them.
Me and my AMC ‘posse’
Keep Weathering The Storms
As for my advice, just keep on going and keep weathering the storms. Our brains are complex and we need to give them and our entire bodies a break from stress however we can.
It is hugely difficult with work, family life and an abundance of daily responsibilities, but your mental health is just as important as your physical health. Do what you want to do and do what is right for yourself because by being kind to yourself, you are letting your world flourish and that can shine positivity into other people’s lives.
“Don’t accept anything less than what you’re worth.”
Also, be in an environment that supports you and be around people who care about you. The more positive energies you’re surrounded by, the more you will feel positive. Don’t accept anything less than what you’re worth. Life is about adapting, evolving and overcoming.
If I can do it, why can’t anyone else?