Losing A Loved One
When a loved one dies, it is as if they take a part of us with them – perhaps who we were in their presence, our dreams, the hopes we shared, and all our plans for the future…
For a time, only a vast emptiness remains in our souls, while disappointment, fear, loneliness, and the guilt of having been unable to do more – or anything at all – to avert the tragedy seem to take up permanent residence within our desolate hearts…
That is how I felt after the death of my father and my only brother… but when my husband died, it felt different somehow…
“… it was suffocating.”
At first, I felt despair, agony, and fear; then, all the other feelings resurfaced: the inner void, guilt, profound disappointment, anger, longing…
An immense pain in my chest made it hard to breathe; it was suffocating.
After a while, I felt nothing at all… it was as if I were trapped inside a glass bowl where I could feel nothing and hear nothing… as if all contact with the outside world had been cut off.
Time seemed frozen, standing still… nothing moved; I couldn’t even find the strength to take a single step.
After that moment of stillness , I began to feel everything again – but far more deeply this time.
Another Battle
I had to battle, once more, against every emotion trying to take hold of my soul and mind, threatening to bring me down even further.
It wasn’t enough that I felt cut into a million pieces; I also had to find the strength to put myself back together, piece by piece…
But what if death doesn’t symbolise the end, but rather a crossing into another dimension – perhaps a better one? I often wondered.
“… as long as we are not afraid of the storm.”
Gradually, I felt an immense force which I believe to be God – giving me the strength to rise, step by step… I felt that energy and courage whenever I looked into my children’s eyes… and that was when I began to learn how to live again.
This power exists within each of us; it simply requires the will and the courage to seek it deep inside ourselves.
Time Passes By
Five years later, I feel as though I have been reborn; nothing remains of who I used to be – only the memory of a hard-fought battle and gratitude for the person I am today.
There is so much beauty in this life, and every moment is precious.
Time is the most valuable thing, for we never know if this might be the last Christmas, the last birthday, or the last anniversary; that is why l am deeply grateful for every day, every moment.
Sometimes it is much easier to remain in the darkness – pain is familiar – but when you find the courage to see what lies beyond the darkness, only then you can break free and fly…
“…. for we are all like the leaves of a tree…”
Freedom, light, love, hope, and absolute detachment gives you confidence, and life becomes increasingly beautiful.
So what if life becomes difficult sometime and takes another direction?
We are the captains of our ships, we can just change the directions as long as we are not afraid of the storm, we will always see the rainbow!
How wonderful it would be if we could live every moment in the present to the fullest, if we could tell our loved ones more often that we love them, and if we didn’t judge one another – for we are all like the leaves of a tree… the same tree…beautifully different yet all connected through love.
My Name Is Diana
Easy to remember but difficult to forget.
I was born in Romania and I live in Poole.
I feel honoured to share with you my life experience and I’m grateful for this opportunity.