Always The Supporter
I used to see myself as the supporter and considered it to be a negative element in my life. I was always the last pick to be in the team, in goal instead of the champion striker, dismissed before being given a chance to show what I was capable of.
This became a situation that I resigned myself to throughout my life and became a regular occurrence that led me to being the victim of bullying, the butt of the joke and seen as someone that wouldn’t amount to anything that people would celebrate or respect.
“… the victim of bullying…”
My family life also seemed to have similar aspects that enforced this way of things occurring. Divorces, fracturing of romantic relationships, betrayals by partners and siblings, distant family becoming closer and then becoming distant again because of instability and negative experiences, including deaths of blood relatives that I had started building relationships with, only to be suddenly gone with no real sense of closure by my deciding or control.
‘The Reaping’
All of these situations took so much energy to comprehend and deal with and left me feeling lost and disconnected with the world that I lived in, influencing my personality in a mostly detrimental way with a low sense of self-esteem and self-trust.
Within all that still remained a sense of survival instinct that kept me motivated to survive and stay alive.
Finding Reiki
About six months after my Mother passed away unexpectedly, I went into a shop called Still Waters which used to be in Worcester.
It had crystals and other items relating to various aspects of spirituality that I had never seen before.
At the time, I felt that I was in a bubble of shock and mourning due to my Mother passing, but this shop seemed to draw me in.
‘Cutting Ties’
I had a look around and the Shopkeeper told me that they had a Reiki practitioner working there and that I should try it.
Without hesitation, I paid for the treatment and went into the treatment room and lay on the couch.
I felt a shifting of energy as the Reiki was performed and when I went back into the shop, the Shopkeeper told me that they knew a local Reiki Master who could teach me Reiki and that I should contact her. I took the contact details and left the shop.
As I stepped out into the bright sunshine, I noticed the amplified intensity of the light and heat, the connection of my feet to the ground and a lighter, more relaxed sensation in my mind and body. My connection to everything seemed stronger than before the Reiki healing had been performed and it was a very strong difference.
A New Perspective
I knew nothing about Reiki before then, so I knew that there was no placebo effect or any imagination attached to the way that I felt.
I contacted the Reiki Teacher soon after and booked myself onto the next available Usui Reiki 1 course.
The course was incredible and the attunement made me realise how much wonder there was to life and made me much more comfortable and enthusiastic about my life, and the new experiences that I had been through positively changed my perspective of life.
With this new perspective and knowledge, I felt enthusiasm and strength that I did not know could exist but was happy to be aware of.
“I used the energy as a therapy on myself every day and continued to feel its benefits.”
I gained understanding and acceptance of my point of view as a supporter as being a positive personality trait rather than a negative one.
‘Alchemise’
All of the experiences that I had been through combined with my connection to Reiki gave me a way to give support and healing to others in a proactive positive way and enabled me to be at peace with myself. I understood the nobility in service to others and the importance of being a person that others can turn to when they need help.
Finding My Voice
When the pandemic occurred in 2020, I realised I wanted to be more comfortable with being at the front of things as I believed that it would help to increase my self-confidence by using my voice to express myself, which was something that I had not done before.
“Poetry was a great method to do that with.”
The restrictions of the lockdown meant that I couldn’t practice Reiki, so I decided that I would spread positive messages through writing and sharing poetry with the aim to bring some good feelings to those that needed it.
The process of doing this also helped me feel that I had a sense of routine and focus in the days that were so difficult to get through.
Since then, I have written poetry nearly every day and plan to publish it. I have performed my poems on stage and had my work published in both national and international anthologies.
Where I Belong
I work as a Healthcare Assistant for the NHS and have found a career in which my attitude is desired and encouraged, which brings me great satisfaction and motivation to be proactive in engaging with. To have a job that I am a good fit for is a blessing for which I am hugely grateful.
Getting Back Up
A long time ago, I could not have imagined the experiences that I have had and the things that I have achieved, but here I am able to now.
I honestly understand the seemingly impossible task of getting back up when you are down, but it can be done even if it takes longer than you want.
Below is the first Poem that I wrote.
‘Heart Beat’
