Escaping Abuse – Twice!
A friend of runs a local wellbeing walk on a Wednesday; Karl Wigley. I love this walking group, it literally gave me a safe space to leave a house I felt trapped, tricked & isolated in.
I am an Advanced Clinical Hypnotherapist & Master Teacher Healer. I am also a survivor of domestic violence resulting in a heart attack.
“A month after my beautiful beach wedding, I learned what I had apparently signed up for. The sheer shock & fear showed up in my body before my mind had chance to process what was going on.”
I relocated to escape a psychopath who breached his bail conditions 3 times whilst under investigation with CID for extremely serious charges. It came to light that I was 1 of 5 victims we know of.
A Fresh Start
I was recruited as a live in PA / Housekeeper position for a paraplegic elderly gent by what was presented a lovely family struggling to cope with their sweet elderly fathers care needs. I was also asked to work on his negative mindset and grumpy attitude.
After many discussions, I moved away from my business clients, support network & friendship circles to begin a fresh start in a fabulous home for a perceived lovely family in a stunning part of the world.
I was assured I would have plenty of support to build my business and a safe environment for a fresh start.
TBC
This was 7 weeks after my lovely mum passed away and 8 months following the abuse I fled homeless & penniless. I was still very vulnerable but well on my way to moving forward. I felt very grateful and very positive about the opportunity ahead.
As A Therapist
As a therapist, I have lots of fabulous self-healing techniques in my own toolbox. Which after many years of supporting my clients on their healing journey; also became a lifesaving experience for me during the darkest time of my life.
The agreement to run my business alongside the position never materialised. It came to light on arrival that I had been completely misled. Over many months of long days, I was expected to carry out care duties that I had never agreed to and was not trained, registered or insured to perform, despite raising my concerns. I felt trapped, isolated, exploited, violated and, above all, betrayed.
“I felt trapped, isolated, exploited, violated and, above all, betrayed.”
I was trapped in a house, isolated from my support circles, in a new area, being underpaid & coerced to carry out duties I never agreed to on a daily basis whilst also losing my established business.
The situation escalated once I attempted to leave & the police were involved when following serious harassment & intimidation, he deliberately withheld my belongings in his filthy warehouse damaging my therapy work equipment causing deliberate stress & preventing me from working for myself.
I eventually found a place to live and with the help of the very kind local people was able to escape to a safe environment.
Safe, Stronger & Wiser
Unfortunately, the post abuse was as threatening. The battle continues to claim the outstanding monies owed, delayed by deliberate underhand tactics. I learned that I was not the first PA / housekeeper to flee under the same conditions. All of us sustained injuries as a result of the illegal care duties we were required to carry out.
This was both an exhausting & re-traumatising experience especially on my own in a new area whilst grieving for my mum. I am so grateful to the local community for stepping in to help me.
TBC
Six months on, I am settled, safe, surrounded by genuine people who have kept me going – I know I can call on any of them anytime.
Both experiences have been extremely challenging & traumatising. Yet, they have also allowed me to use my personal self-healing toolbox to stay strong & resilient & to heal from the trauma.
Today, having learned the lessons of the importance of having extremely strong boundaries in place. To ensure I never betray my own standards or allow anyone else to take advantage of my kindness ever again. I am healthy, happy, stronger, wiser & more empowered than ever before.
Behind The Mask Of Abuse
I share my story to educate & raise awareness. No matter how dark & difficult life can be. There is always the possibility to look for the light within & change how you think to actually change the way you feel.
I love the work I have been blessed to share with many others who have felt lost, stuck, manipulated or even so overwhelmed they too couldn’t see the way forward.
I am so blessed to have 10 years’ experience in helping people with all kinds of challenges how to ‘Think & Heal Yourself Happy’
Even more grateful to have a personal understanding & empathy from a lived experience. Domestic and Workplace Abuse is much more common than we hear. I can relate to so many who suffer in silence & to share my story to give hope to others.
CPTSD is seen as a mental health illness when in fact it is a form of a brain injury. Psychological warfare is torture, the bruises may not be visible, but the emotional scars run deeper than the naked eye will ever see. Also known as Neurological battery.
Too many times, victims are blamed for being tricked into situations no one could possibly anticipate. They don’t stay by choice, they are frozen by fear.
“Monsters don’t arrive with signs around their necks…”
Monsters don’t arrive with signs around their necks, horns or wearing an invisible a cloak.. they are often charming, charismatic partners, employers and family members. They all know exactly what they are doing behind the mask of manipulation.
Violence is known to escalate once the abuser realises, they no longer have control of you. This is the most dangerous time for a victim of abuse to leave a situation, be it relational / intimate or not.
Often the victim has been isolated, financially abused, coerced, gaslit, assaulted physically, mentally, emotionally & sexually.
Please do not ever ask a survivor of abuse ‘why they stayed‘ or ‘what took them so long to leave’
Believe me, if they had freedom of choice, they would have gladly took it!
It Was Never Your Fault
Victims hide their experience as they feel it was their fault. If this is you – please hear this:
- It was never your fault,
- It was always a reflection of the abusers’ behaviour not yours
- It was done to you & not because of you
- YOU Matter YOU are Worthy YOU are Enough
- YOU deserve to be Happy too
“A HUGE percentage of reported cases never make it to a conviction.”
If your case came back as NFA (No Further Action) It does not mean it didn’t happen or that you were not believed. It simply means there was not enough evidence ‘beyond reasonable doubt’ to take it further. The benchmarks are incredibly high and difficult to prove as abusers are careful to appear as charming as possible on the outside.
‘Staying quiet only protects the abuser – we heal loudly because we almost died silently!’
Thank you for reading my story
I am so grateful to be able to educate & raise awareness on a very distressing topic. But also, very proud to be able to relate and to help & support others in their personal healing journey too.
If I can do it so can YOU!!
Michelle x