What Does Mental Health Mean To You?
“For me, mental health is having peace in my mind and in my heart. It is being able to be calm, feel safe, learn to let go of what hurts me and not allow situations or people to steal my peace of mind. It’s also recognising when something hurts, allowing myself to feel it, and then finding the strength to move forward.
“For me, mental health is loving myself, respecting myself, setting limits and understanding that my well-being is also a priority.”
How Has Mental Health Affected Your Life?
For me, mental health has had a very big impact on my life. After my separation, I went through a very difficult depression. It was a time when I honestly felt lost. I didn’t know what to do with my life, and there were moments when I felt like I didn’t want to keep living anymore.
I think at that time I was carrying too many things at once, and I simply reached a point where I couldn’t take it anymore. But it was also a time that made me get to know myself in a way I never had before.
“Little by little, I got through it. I learned to understand my emotions better, to set boundaries, and to realise that my life has value, even when I couldn’t see it myself.”
I’m not going to tell you that everything has been easy, because it hasn’t. But today I see mental health in a completely different way. And I think that after going through something like that, you learn to appreciate peace, self-love, and the little things in life so much more.
Leaving Part Of My Heart Behind
You know what hurt me the most about my separation? It wasn’t really leaving 16 years of a relationship behind. It was walking out of my home knowing that I was leaving my children there, because their father wouldn’t allow me to take them with me.
It was leaving. Leaving knowing that a part of my heart was staying behind in that house. That was the hardest part for me.
I found this on one of my walks I do in the morning – Normally between 10 and 25km most days.
Behind The Smile
And when I reached my lowest point, people never really knew that I was depressed. My face always showed a smile. I kept going, I talked to people, I tried to look okay. But when I got home, I would completely fall apart, because the mask I was wearing all day was something I couldn’t keep holding up when I was alone.
“I think that was one of the hardest things about that time in my life – looking okay on the outside while inside I was completely broken.”
Keeping Busy To Keep Going
Life is like a roller coaster. There are moments when we are up, and there are moments when we are down. And after my separation, things in my life started happening one after another.
The job I had loved so much started becoming difficult. Obstacles started appearing, and they weren’t only work-related. My body was here, but my mind wasn’t. I was physically present, but mentally I was somewhere else.
When people finally realised that I had been going through a really deep depression, they would say to me:
“My God, how did we never notice? We worked with you every day.”
The truth is, I hid it very well. I threw myself into my work. I started working up to 12 hours a day, four days a week, sometimes working as many as 64 hours in one week.
Because I knew that when I went home, it was an empty apartment. And I knew that once I was there alone, I couldn’t keep holding all those emotions inside me anymore.
The Night Everything Changed
And then came July 2024.
“That was the moment when I hit rock bottom.”
My apartment was completely dark. I was on my knees in my bedroom, and I started talking to God. I know some people don’t believe in God, and I would never try to put my beliefs into someone else’s mind. But I talked to Him that night.
I told him, “I can’t do this anymore. I’m so tired. I just can’t. Forgive me for what I’m about to do. Take care of my children. Protect them. And forgive me for what I’m about to do.”
El camino
That night, I had made up my mind that I was going to end my life. I was ready to leave this world completely.
But something happened that day that I never expected. And whatever it was, it changed the way I saw everything that was happening in my life.
“That night, I felt like I died and was born again at the same time.”
That’s why sometimes, when I talk to you about God, I know you may not believe in God, and I respect that completely. But what happened to me that day is something I still cannot explain. I only know that something changed inside me, and from that moment on, I started seeing my life differently.
