My Story
I led a relatively normal life up until 2015, when myself and my family got the devastating news that my brother had been murdered. This absolutely tore my world apart and it wasn’t long before I found myself down a very dark road, consumed by guilt that was fuelled by excessive alcohol intake.
A few months later I made contact with a charity called SAMM; Support After Murder and Manslaughter, this incredible charity changed my whole mindset and gave me hope.
“Once my mindset changed, so did my attitude, so I decided I’d give back to this charity, all in my brother’s memory.”
I set about arranging an event from start to finish which I named Cycle for Michael, a bike ride that would see me cover 226 miles in 2 days, the ride would start on Hayling and finish at the charities retreat in Crewe. I completed the ride, covering 135 miles on day 1 and 91 miles on day 2, whilst raising £7,000 in the process.
I then went on to do further events in my brother’s memory as now I had the right positive attitude, which led me to write the following. I hope it helps anyone who is struggling during lockdown.
What I’ve Learned
The only thing in life that we have 100% control of is our attitude. Put simply, that attitude can either be positive or negative and, although it may not always feel like it, how you react to situations in your life is down to you.
There will be situations in life that feel like they are completely out of our control, situations that will make us question ourselves, and all these questions can wreak havoc on our mental health, creating guilt, denial, anger, frustration and confusion!
“Was I good enough?” “Did I do anything to prevent that?”
This is where the attitude you control comes into play. Even if you’ve started off with a negative attitude, with the right guidance and support you can manage to flip it into a positive one! If all these emotions are channelled in the right way they can turn the light on at the end of that very dark tunnel!
Now, this light may be on a dimmer switch giving you darker days and lighter days, but the light is there and you can be the one to control it through your attitude and your actions:
“I promise you, you can do this!”
It may seem hard at first. When Michael was taken, I couldn’t see a light and to be honest I didn’t ever want to see a light at the end of my dark tunnel, all I wanted was to suffer and inflict as much pain on myself as I could, because my internal questions and mental health made me believe that is what I deserved.
My attitude was 100% negative and I was blinded to any way out of my grieving until I got support and guidance; only then did my attitude flip from negative to positive and only then did the light come on. Only then did I see that I was killing myself and hurting those around me.
So, I decided to ‘flip’ the situation, keeping my brother’s memory alive instead of killing mine. No matter how low life can get, there can always be a light for you to turn on, something to drive you through that dark tunnel. I’ve been there and it can absolutely be done: you can do it.
“…three mountains in 24 hours…”
If someone had told me 5 years ago that I would cycle 226 miles in 2 days, climb three mountains in 24 hours, do a skydive and sleep rough for 12 hours, raising over £11,000 for charity I’d have laughed at them. But I did. I became an advocate for families of murder and manslaughter victims but also became an author, using my own pain to drive me through my dark tunnel and out into the light.
I never would’ve believed I would be capable of achieving such feats but that’s the power you have within you: the power to ‘flip’ a negative into a positive. It’s incredible what you can personally achieve when faced with certain situations once you have unleashed the right positive attitude. There’s inspiration and a quiet hero in all of us, just waiting to be let out.
Stay safe and stay positive.
