A New Baby, But Something Was Different
I had my 5th baby by C-section on 08/10/2008. I didn’t have any postnatal depression with my 4 other children. I suppose I started to become depressed during my pregnancy with my baby as my husband was made redundant when I was 6 months pregnant.
I Knew Something Wasn’t Right
After my daughter and I came home from hospital I was in a lot of pain and couldn’t stop crying, I thought it was just baby blues coming through as I had 4 other children at home including my 2nd daughter who has Down Syndrome.
The Lake District
A couple of weeks went by, I couldn’t sleep, I wouldn’t eat, get dressed, or do anything – I was also hallucinating, I kept on saying:
“I’ve killed the baby.”
and I didn’t want anyone going near the pram. The midwife got the crisis team involved and I had also been to see my GP who was brilliant – he knew I wasn’t right because he had seen me after my other pregnancies and he gave me sleeping tablets etc and my husband had to give them to me.
When I Became Really Unwell
In the end, my mental health got so bad that I had to be sectioned under the Mental Health Act – I was admitted with my baby girl to the mother and baby unit at St George’s hospital in Stafford.
I didn’t want to leave my family and my husband was heartbroken as he had to sign the paperwork to have me admitted. I kept on thinking on my way there…
“that’s it, I’m never going to see my family again.”
I got to the hospital and immediately was asked all these questions – if I was Bipolar and if I had postnatal depression after my 4 other children were born – I told them no.
I couldn’t understand why, how or what had happened to me mentally, since my daughter had been born two weeks before I was admitted. I had to have 24-hour surveillance incase I tried to take my own life.
Learning to Find Myself Again
Anyway, I had become incontinent which was extremely embarrassing at the time. The mental health nurses and doctors got me on medication straight away which didn’t really do anything apart make me constantly hungry and made me put on loads of weight.
We went to the Lake District in June of this year (2026)
Eventually, they got me on the right medication and my head started to clear, it took a good 6 months before I could come home for good, but I just couldn’t bond with my baby girl as I had been left with severe anxiety. I lost all my self confidence and I had to learn how to look after my baby, how to feed her and change her nappy. I had to learn how to dress my self take showers, baths etc.
Coming Back Home
I finally came home in March 2009 and at first it was difficult, but with help and medication I came through the other side. I still have low moods at times, and sometimes have to ring the crisis team and see my GP – who increases my antidepressants and my anti-anxiety medication, if I need it.
Finding Stability Again
As I was feeling better my husband started looking for work again. I had always stayed at home and looked after my children, he got agency work, it wasn’t brilliant, but at least we had some money coming in.
We had to come to an arrangement with the bank about our mortgage payments which wasn’t easy as they were not very forthcoming, but at least they did eventually accept reduced payments for a while.
My 2nd daughter didn’t know what was happening – she got scared and very upset, fortunately my family rallied around and helped a lot, and as soon as I was well enough, I became her full-time carer again, as my husband had to take on that role while I was so poorly.
My wonderful husband; my rock, my soul mate – without him been by my side when I was so poorly I wouldn’t of had the strength to fight and get well again for my family
My husband kept applying for jobs, as agency work couldn’t guarantee him a full week’s work. Finally in July 2013, he was offered a job at Euro Car Parts in Dordon, near Tamworth, and he’s still there. This full-time job came at the right time because the bank were going to take us to court to repossess the house in the September – which was another worry, but fortunately, they called it off and we were able to make some arrangement with them to clear the arrears.
A boat trip we took
There Were Still Difficult Days
I still sometimes have breakdowns, especially a few years ago when I lost my dad, but with my family, GP support and medication, I feel like I’m in a better place. Yes I still have good days and bad days, but I just take one day at a time.
“I just take one day at a time.”
