The Last Conversation
I lost my brother to suicide 22.12.2012… he came to see me on the Thursday, and we were talking about Christmas and what our plans were, he then mentioned how he couldn’t understand people taking there lives when there were people fighting to stay alive…
The Call
On the Friday, my brother and my other 2 brothers went to see mum who was terminally ill with cancer – they all went out and all seemed well. On the Saturday morning, my younger brother called, and I thought he was calling me to say my mum had passed away – but he said:
“No, it was our brother… he’s taken his own life.”
I can’t remember much of the conversation after that, but I later learnt that he had left my brothers and Mum and went back to where they were staying. That was the last they ever heard from him.
The Questions I Still Carry
I still haven’t fully come to terms with it, I blame myself…
“…did I miss something in the conversation we last had?”
I should have been able to spot something if it was wrong, because I suffer with mental health myself, I DON’T feel angry at him because I have been close to finishing my own chapter MANY a time, but so much more since he’s gone… I just want to see him , hold him tell him how much I love him.
One Day at a Time
I’ve got a loving family who supports me, but I still struggle and find days hard to cope with. I find the nights are the worst, I just want my nightmares to stop… but today I’m here, so let’s get through one day at a time…. each day I’m closer to seeing my brother and that day cant come soon enough.
“…but today I’m here, so let’s get through one day at a time.”
A Don’t Hide Check-In
Following the submission of this story, I checked in with the writer after some of the content raised concerns about her wellbeing. She has confirmed that she is safe, is under the care of a psychiatrist, and is not thinking of harming herself.
I’m grateful that she took the time to reassure me, and I’ll be respecting her request to remain anonymous. As always, Dont’ Hide is a platform for sharing real experiences and stories – it’s not a crisis or mental-health service, and I encourage anyone who is struggling to seek appropriate professional support.
