We’re all human

It’s a sad reality that men are often the group of people who struggle most when it comes to reaching out and asking for help; whether it’s biological, cultural or social, the barriers become raised and there appears to be no way through.

We all breathe the same air, we all walk the same ground, and we communicate in the same manner.

So why is there a huge stigma around the way in which men ask for help?

Social conditioning

This might have been more prevalent in the 50s and 60s, but there is still evidence of this behaviour in today’s modern upbringings.

From a young age, some boys and men and taught to suppress emotions like sadness and low mood – instead of opening up to seek help and rendering themselves vulnerable, there is heavy encouragement on channeling these thoughts into anger or other avoidant behaviours.

With the power of social media these days, every move you make, every post you submit, and everything you put online is scrutinised. It is scrutinised so much that it is almost impossible to share anything with the world without giving at least a little thought to how it will appear to someone else. But why the hell should people care?

It is because the ability to compare ourselves with other people has become far too easy, making it almost impossible to escape the pressure of creating that “perfect” photo for others to see.

This makes us care about what other people think and how they view our online content because it might not be as good as what they post – it’s a sad reality for many people.

Stoicism

This is often mistaken for emotional detachment, coldness, or the suppression of feelings, when in fact it can represent a positive and practical life philosophy.

Stoicism is an ancient Greek philosophical movement and practical way of living, emphasising daily self-discipline and moral-improvement.

The ancient Stoic philosophy was not about suppressing feelings or becoming emotionally unavailable, instead, it encouraged both men and women to lead their lives inline with four fundamental virtues:

Wisdom: Understanding your emotions and only focusing on things only within your control.

Courage: Standing up for what is right and facing difficult feelings rather than avoiding them.

Justice: Being present and honest in relationships and treating others fairly, the same as you wish to be treated. “What’s bad for the hive is bad for the bee.”

Temperance: The practice of self-control, restraint and moderation. It’s the discipline of doing everything in the correct measure.

Differing symptoms

Men who have depression are less likely to show signs of classic sadness – such as crying. Instead, they often show signs of ‘male-type’ symptoms like irritability, sudden anger, impulsivity, substance abuse and risk-taking behaviours.

A lot of the time, portraying these behaviours can mean their mental health diagnosis goes undiagnosed.

Stigma

Discussing psychological and emotional distress can still carry social stigma. Men frequently worry that opening up and reaching out for help will negatively impact their personal relationships, professional appearance or social identity.

In reality, a man (or even a woman) who decides to opens their doors of emotion and seek help, would be perceived by the majority of people as being brave, resilient and courageous.

Real-life experiences

It can be beneficial to understand why we think and behave the way we do. Exploring the history and psychology behind different concepts can provide valuable insight, while knowing that others have faced similar challenges can be incredibly reassuring.

DONTHIDE embraces all of these elements, but its primary focus is on real voices and real experiences. The stories shared here come from people who have faced mental health challenges in their own lives.

Reading about the experiences of others can make it easier to seek support and feel less alone. The readers, authors, and contributors who make up this community have all encountered struggles of their own, creating a space built on understanding, honesty, and shared experiences.